Things That Make Me Rage + Great News

If you're a white, pseudo-enlightened millenial who bitches about "white guilt", kindly fuck off. Nobody's blaming you for slavery. People are talking about the suffering they've endured from the after-effects of slavery and you make it all about you, you self-centered prick. So shut up and listen and have some goddamned empathy. I promise, you may be exhausted from talking about racism, but from non-POC to another, imagine living that.

Great news, by the way: got into my top choice medical school. In four years, I will be a doctor. :)

Crack is Whack

Stumbled onto livejournal from when I was only like 15. Am 18 now. Holy shit emo much. I can barely take it. Okay, well, here's another list of about 50 major things that happened in the past three years.

1.Cut off 8 inches of hair. I end up getting a boyfriend who plays bass in the jazz band.
2. Got my first kiss and all that jazz.
3. Became secluded from my other friends because new boyfriend is everything. Pshhh
4. Biology is awesome awesome awesome and I love it and maybe one day I'll become a surgeon.
5. Got the swine flu. Under quarantine for one week, and letter goes out to Shaler Area High School warning the student body of my germs.
6. Unproductive summer. Rode boyfriend's boat a lot.
7. Tenth grade begins and I become best friends with my best friend's best friend. She's a band manager.
8. Didn't make honors band this year because piece required double tonguing.
9. All honors classes, but I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life.
10. Got a job at Aeropostale for the holidays. Quit because manager was a jackass.
11. Got another job at Panera. Work myself to death every weekend until the springtime.
12. Christmas. Mother's cancer is at bay.
13. Boyfriend breaks up with me when girl sleeps over his house, and the next day is spotted with date. Heart = broken.
14. Stumble around with friends and no appetite. But in a few days, learn to not be angry.
15. Band practices start and my best friend (who is my best friend's best friend) begins to not like me...who knows.
16. Then my best friend reallyyyyy doesn't like me because I'm a "rumor spreading whore"...yet, I've never had sex. Or spread a rumor.
17. Went on the Disney Trip with the band. Best 6 days of my life, and met a plethora of new friends.
18. Gradually find the shy introvert thing boring. Begun to get loud and obnoxious, strong and tough. Haven't changed from that yet.
19. Boy falls hard for me on Disney band trip, but I don't want a boyfriend so I tell him no.
20. Hang out with band best friends a lot and feel the best I have in years.
21. Grandmother gets brain tumor and I fear the worst.
22. Surgeon saves grandmother's life and the whole family is grateful. Grandmother tells me that becoming a surgeon is the most wonderful thing I could do.
23. I HAVE TO BECOME A DOCTOR. That still hasn't changed.
24. I quit my job at Panera after much struggle with the managers.
25. School ends.
26. I get together with the boy from Disney on accident at a concert. We fall "in love".
27. But I still keep my friends close every day.
28. Play Nazi zombies every day. Become a beast with a Browning.
29. Romance is kept secret, and a few boys try to romance me. One of them even writes horrifying poetry about how I broke his heart. wtf
30. Band camp begins again...I get to play top flute part. Also, book published where I mock ex-boyfriend's cheating..whoops.
31. Boyfriend and I are forbidden to see each other for a month because we were caught kissing.
32. School begins, and becomes incredibly difficult. Take AP Euro, AP Chem, and AP Language. Homework load increases by a factor of 8.
33. I cry at senior night in band for the first time because I'll miss my senior friends with a passion.
34. But am constantly working. Strain on boyfriend and I but we stick together and have a good time.
35. Begin to job shadow doctors and feel that this is something I'm dedicating my life to.
36. Christmas and Thanksgiving bring nothing new. Nobody sits with me because my brain is full of Europe.
37. Place second place school in Neuroscience Brain Bee. I realize that I love brains.
38. Musical begins and soon my friends and I are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. We curl up into fetal position.
39. Start going to bed at midnight or later. Become addicted to caffeine.
40. After AP tests, job shadow brain surgeon. WANT
41. Summer hits and we get report cards...I am salutatorian. zomg
42. Boyfriend and I date for a whole year...marriage is inevitable.
43. Boyfriend does shrooms. I become extremely angry.
44. Start volunteering at UPMC. Daydream about being in a white coat and talking to patients.
45. Boyfriend and I break up because "I'm obsessed with my intellect" and because he is a metal-head drug addict...I dated him because he really liked me, not because of his personality. Lesson learned. Well played.
46. Extremely heart-broken, but fast paced life and best friends keep me going.
48. The day after, cute nerdy guy and I start texting but I do NOT want a boyfriend. No time.
49. Band camp as a senior begins. I learn authority and the underclassmen hate me. But I don'
50. School starts. In six AP classes but have less work than last year.
51. More time for things like pep band and working on float for homecoming.
52. Go to homecoming single for the first time in two years. Awesome time.
53. One of best friends hooks me up with cute nerdy guy. Even though I don't want a boyfriend, we start dating and I realize that I really really like cute nerdy guy for reasons other than narcissism (on my part).
54. But still, friends and I hang out a lot. Living up senior year.
55. Dad and Mom are goofy at senior night in marching band, but I still cry and make everyone around me cry because I look sooo sad when I do.
56. Accepted into University of Pittsburgh for Neuroscience on Honors College Scholarship. Parents are so happy they dance in circles.
57. Establish super-close relationship with parents. Still going.
58. Get a lot of crap for not going Ivy League, but I don't care.
59. Senioritis kicks in..until this day I want to die.
60. Everybody is sick of each other and fighting. Diagnosis: hell. Treatment: graduation.
61. Obtain prom dress. Very expensive but family knows I work hard and pays for it. I'm sooo happy!
62. Constantly trying to make time for video games such as Mass Effect or Zelda.
63. Constantly trying to make time to write fiction.
64. Fail miserably.
65. Make honors band, get four pins on my uniform for the four years I've done it.
66. Had to give up Wind Ensemble to take AP Bio. Miss it dearly.
67. Play piccolo both in marching band and at school. Kind of miss my Artley flute.
68. Present senior project. Ready to graduate.
69. But stuck in the miserable high school hell hole.
70. Stop caring about what people think of me altogether. Start talking 24/7 to everyone.
71. Who's the shy introvert now?
72. Cares less and gets attitude with people when necessary. Can stand my own.
73. Begin discussing in a discussion based English class.
74. Still dating cute nerdy guy. Haven't fought yet.
75. Killed about an hour of homework time with this list.

Wow, that's 75 instead of 50 things in every single verb tense/point of view, but it's a wonderful evolution process from Carly as shy ninth grader to Carly as never-shuts-up-on-her-high-horse-doctor-salutatorian senior. Imagine that?
loz link

I can explain, LJ...

Considering so much has happened that I haven't posted. I'll just go on a list.

1. I started school in September.
2. I realized that my Japanese class is the most unstructured thing in the world.
3. I realized that my sensei (an old native of Japan) likes to swear. A lot.
4. I learned that nougat in Japanese sounds a lot like the n-word.
5. I tried to ask a guy to homecoming, but he went with someone he barely knew.
6. He broke up with her at a football game just a few weeks later.
7. I tried to remain single by telling myself it would make me happy.
8. I began liking the same guy all over again.
9. I had said guy over my house.
10. I realized that my friend likes the same guy as me.
11. I became very depressed over this.
12. I ate Thanksgiving dinner twice and almost barfed.
13. I learned that my Bio teacher isn't a bad guy...he just likes to touch me a lot.
14. I got the highest grade on a Bio test and got my name plastered on the wall.
15. I left all of my music at Northgate High School. All songs were original copies.
16. I worried about my jazz band grade. I still am.
17. I got a 4.338 on my report card and felt very special.
18. I realized that everyone with straight A's got a 4.338 and then I immediately felt unspecial.
19. I spoke on the phone for three hours.
20. I found out that my friend's mom had leukimia.
21. I found out that my own mom is going away to get radioactive treatment for her thyroid cancer.
22. I heard my mom trying to explain said fact to my autistic brother. It made me want to bawl.
23. I realized that my writing hasn't been up to par lately.
24. I realized that my piano/flute playing hasn't been up to par lately.
25. I pondered my worth.
26. Marching band season ended abruptly. Pep band started abruptly.
27. I found that I have a great time in GATE class every day.
28. I found my new archenemy...that creeper intern sub, Mr. Quiggley.
29. I found that my archenemy's first name is Kevin.
30. My dearest friend called him Kev-Kev in class while we ate candy and sat through his boring double period.
31. zOMG! and Electric Love Fakitori became my addictions.
32. I watched my guy friend in a play. He was wearing was adorable.
33. My aunt brought her eHarmony boyfriend from Oklahoma. He was very short.
34. I realized that my break is almost over and nothing monumental happened.
35. I wondered what people do to be loved. I wondered what I did to not.
36. I felt insanely lonely. I still do.
37. I watched Star Wars with my brother for two nights in a row.
38. I remembered my English teacher, and how she called Harrison Ford a "hunk".
39. I found that I only have 15 more weeks to go on Taming the Muse. I'm halfway there.
40. I need hugs. Really need them. Still do. Lord, do I need hugs.
41. I learned that asking for something selfish will not give you anything but false hope.
42. I skimmed for mushy fanfiction and accidentally got a story about grabbing penises.
43. I spent Halloween at a football game for marching band.
44. My flute broke numerous times.
45. I found a pretty song online, then realized that it was almost used in the Twilight movie.
46. I fell back in love with Harvest Moon. It's the only place to get artificial, easily attainable marriage.
47. My muse ran out on me.
48. I learned the Light Jig for Irish and became reinspired to try my best.
49. I loved my ghilles even more. They are the things that keep me going.
50. I just listed fifty things and realized that I can go on and on and on...
loz link

Alley Valley and GUESS WHO MADE IT! :D

Yesterday marked the third one of my auditions for Allegheny Valley Honors Band, and MAN I was nervous. I was going for my last year in the Junior High School, which made it slightly easier, but still! Anyway, I tried out on flute and piccolo.

Man, this tryout is so, SO traumatic. I remember my first time in seventh grade left me marked. Last year I made it as Second Part, First Flute, but I wanted to get in on the piccolo because they only take one piccolo for the whole band, and I wanted it to be ME! o_e Anyway, the tryouts are basically, you step into a small room with two judges who have their backs turned to you and who you are not allowed to speak to. When I went for my flute tryout, I just stood there for approximately five years, before realizing that I could start, yay! Then I realized that my old music teacher from middle school was one of the judges, so I started shaking really hard. I shook a lot before, but nothing compared to how I was shaking then. But I waited for another five years. And then I started.

I sounded good, but during the piccolo sixteenth note run, I ran out of air and frantically gasped for breath and thought, "NO! I didn't play the E flat!", and it all went downhill from there. Luckily it was the end, so all I had to do was end with a staccato high G....ugh.

AV tryouts are a serious mess because people are always crying and freaking out and jumping up and down and going crazy, c har. That's how it always happens. I was so nervous that I couldn't eat any of the precious sugar offered to me, so I just kinda sat there and shook and huddled in my jacket and waited.

This morning, I ran into the band room, shaking frantically yet again, and the teacher informed me that I WAS THE ONLY FLUTE FROM MY DISTRICT TO BE PICKED FOR THE JUNIOR HIGH DIVISION AND I MADE THE PICCOLO! :DDDDD I was so happy, I cried. I seriously cried, but no one could tell because I kept scrubbing my eyes for fear that I would have ugly trails of black eyeliner streaming down my face. I think everyone cried. I was really sad that my friends weren't picked, so I cried more, but lord, I was so happy. So, so happy. a good day. :D

loz link


Our school district's homecoming is totally involved, waaaay more involved than anyone else's. I'm talking a long parade, a picnic, the game, and then the dance. XD We like our varsity here.


Friday, October 10~The "All" (Late) Nighter Float Meeting

Very, very eventful. Especially for me. Band float meetings are ALWAYS eventful, though. ;3

Anyway, so I was pomping the float, near the top, yeah? And I was standing on a very rickety ladder that kind shook a bit when I reached for the tissue paper that we pomped with...or whatever that stuff was. Anyhoo, I just went over to get the gold when all of the sudden, the ladder wasn't under me anymore.

Yep, so I screamed hysterically because I was in midair.

Luckily, one of the seniors caught me by the was so convienent! It got really quiet because everyone saw the ladder go crashing down and was looking for my corpse, which I was still kind of in shock and just kinda hanging there. Well, I didn't crack my head open and die, so yaaay! Mission accomplished!

Even though I still have a huge bruise on my leg. :/

Saturday, October 11~The Parade

I was supposed to dance for the place I take Irish, but would I miss that for band? Hell no! XD Even though it was seventy degrees and I was very hot and sweaty and parades make me sweat even more, like a pig, I was fine. I actually ran over to my teacher when she was marching on and was like, "I don't see US on that banner!"

My flute broke when we were marching, so I could only play a few notes. Shocker. My flute ALWAYS breaks at the most inconvienent times, let me tell ya.

My friend got mad at me because I didn't wave at her. Well geez! You don't just wave at people when you're in marching band!

Saturday, October 11~The Game

I knew one of the people on the other time from Jazz Society, so we talked (and I wanted to tell her to tell Brian that he is a stupid sexist jerk, but I was nice and didn't say a word. O.o) The little kids marched on with us...ahaha! It was great! I really hope I didn't look that lost when I was in eighth grade.

The other team had one of the same songs as us! O.o Other than that, there was nada event. Except for the flutes not playing in the homecoming ballad. Hey, I was going to, but my flute was broken, remember? XD

Saturday, October 11~The Dance

I curled my hair at the beginning of the night. At the end of the night, it was stick straight AGAIN. *sigh* My hair is really really REALLY long so it doesn't do anything it's supposed to.


Anyway, it was just another dateless dance that cost $10 for me. However, my friend had a date who couldn't dance and got hit with a Wet Floor sign (I law'd) and such and such. Oh yeah, and someone spiked the lemonade, I swear. I had two cups of it and could not stop laughing for the rest of the night. XD

Sunday, October 12~The Restaraunt

We all went to a nice restaraunt and got fat at about 12, after the dance. Need I say anymore? Oh yeah, and I ate a lot of plain sugar because it tasted like marshmallows and it was so good and everything was funny and hahaha.

My friend's date was REALLY high. He was singing drunkenly in the car and we all laughed hysterically until I got home, typed, and seriously collapsed and died.